It was her choice, she urgently wanted to stay at home. I can understand that. You’ve got your own surroundings. She could look out of the window and see her own garden, which was getting a little overgrown at the time, I wasn’t really paying much attention to the garden, but she just loved being there.

She didn’t really want to see anybody, she wouldn’t let her friends see her when she was ill, so it was only me here really.

It might have been tough on me but you didn’t really feel it at the time; Pauline’s needs were greater than mine. You’re thinking about Pauline all the time really. I used to go out shopping, I used to run. I was afraid of meeting anybody and being delayed, or I was afraid of meeting anybody with a cold.

Our nurse Andrea was absolutely steadfast. She was wonderful, a very efficient lady. I’d give her 10 out of 10 because she could read the situation much quicker than me. She realised I was trying but I couldn’t cope any longer and she read it right away. She got the hospital bed in and we got Pauline her downstairs for the last time. I knew it would be the last time Pauline would go down the stairs but it was for the best. There are some sad things that you’re aware of but it’s a progression that you need to go through.

Andrea was very experienced and had prepared me long before Pauline eventually died, so I was ready for it to happen. Andrea could understand the situation all the time she knew exactly where we were at any one time and she kept me up to scratch on that. With the help you get it’s so much more, it makes it all possible. We had a lovely finish, Pauline and I.

It was the most amazing attitude from the St Helena people; how they do really care and keep nice and cheerful, it really makes a world of difference. We had the medication here and the nurses kept coming down two or three times a week making sure we had everything. 

I couldn’t be at the funeral. I looked after her for six months, arranged the funeral, spoke to the vicar, crossed all the Ts and dotted the Is, and then had a stroke and I was in the hospital for the funeral. It’s all been recorded and filmed, the undertaker did that so one day when I’m ready I’ll be able to see it. I’m not ready yet, not for a bit.

When I get sad and have a little cry, it’s a very nice feeling, a very warm feeling. I’m not at all unhappy. I feel very warm about everything because it all went so nice. We’d been lucky, we’d done some lovely things. Life should be good, it has been good for us and we know it can’t go on for ever, don’t we? I think Pauline wold agree if she was here now.

When you’re young, you don’t think about it but as you get older nearly every couple has to go through this. One or the other gets taken and the other one has to survive on their own. I think we should be prepared and I’ve told younger people don’t be miserable about it, realise you can’t all stay together all your life. And what you do, is you have another chapter, you do different things, you live your life different. It needn’t be miserable. It is another chapter and I think there’s lots of lovely tings you can do and your friends are there to support you.

St Helena was here at the right time, that’s most important. It felt like they were always here, always in touch, and insisted I rang up any time I had any little problems night or day, 24 hours. I always knew that was there. It gave me a lot of strength that did, I couldn’t have managed without it. I think that’s a wonderful thing.

It was just the two of us at the very end. She died in my arms and you couldn’t actually tell the exact moment it was because it was so gentle. I just looked at her and hugged her and she was absolutely so beautiful. I kept talking to her, telling her how much I loved her and I think she heard me and I think she was well pleased. She knew that I loved her very, very much and I knew she loved me in return.  

This story may not be published elsewhere without express permission from St Helena Hospice.